Stretch pants - the garment that made skiing a spectator sport.

Living in Utah, there’s a big push for skiers. I believe everyone in our family has tried it, at least once. I know Erika became quite an avid skier for a time. But we all have our stories to tell. I won’t bore you with mine now. Just suffice it to say that it was a premonition of my entire marriage. I will share, though, my mother’s story. She has a friend who lived in this area at the time. She said, “Now, Ginny… you have GOT to try skiing! It’s just the greatest thing to do!” Mom protested… Bernie persisted… finally convincing mom to use Bernie’s hubby’s equipment and take a shot at trying to make it down a hill without tumbling. All prepared for the big day (which means being sure to bring along a thermos full of gin & tonic) they headed up to the slopes. Mom became frustrated time after time because when you fall, it is certainly not easy to get up again! We all know you do a lot of falling on that first day too. At one point, very nearly at the end of her rope… struggling and struggling to set herself aright again… an older gentleman shussssshed up and said, (I’m imagining a grinning man with arms akimbo like superman) “Now if you want to get up, you have to put your arms here and there and put your legs here and there and push this and that and move this way and that way and… voila! You’ll be up!” Mom looked squarely up at him and said, “Fuck off!” Which he did. Bernie nearly fell off her skis laughing. Mom somehow stood up and began to ski down the hill, and finding that she had no way to stop when she reached the bottom, she simply found a bus to run into. She took off her gear, grabbed her thermos, went to the lodge, put her feet up and proceeded to finish the day off emptying that thermos.

3 comments:

tahoejimbo420 said...

You make me laugh sooo hard sometimes...mom is braver than I am, been up on the hill 7 years and as a non-rider falling down in the driveway is enough for me thank you, ...another good one!

Mark n Manna said...

As I recall. the lodge WAS the best part of the ski trip....

Renée said...

Now why do your mother's commments to that "nice man" (who could have been me) NOT surprise me? She's a hoot. Growing up in Utah does not a skiier make. After a few gruesome attempts at shushing without going out of control, a friend and I devised a sure-fire plan. Marlise had been a skiier longer than anyone of her ripe old age of 19. We somehow scored a bottle of some cheap, exotic Spanish wine. We proceeded to hitch-hike up to Snowbird. Two chicks, one pair of skis. H-mmmm. Someone with a pickup truck let us ride in the back. Remember when you could do that? Without virtue of a cork screw, we used the ski pole tip to shove the cork into the bottle. The wine had a lovely "finish" of oak and cork. (Spit-spit!) Am I allowed to write this much? I don't know the rules of blogging Teri, yours is the first site I've ever visited...
Anyway, fortified with dizziness and complete loss of dignity, we somehow got from the truck to the slopes. I think Marlise went up the lift and I sat at the base of a big tree writing something for a class. In her kindness, she left the slopes and gave me a lesson. All I remember is the two of us on one pair of skis, screaming down a steep slope. In reality, it was probably as flat as the parking lot, but under the circumstances, we were going too fast. After I fell off, I don't remember what happened. I must have lived because here I am. Marlise wasn't as traumatized and is probably turing with the Olympic team.
Now, worse yet is snowboarding. I wanted to try it , no learn to do it, no master it in one lesson before I turned 40. I took the class with a bunch of show-offs and teacher's pets who sucked up to the instructor so much that he showed them how to do it. I was frozen after the first hint of directions. Total brain freeze. I was petrified. By now, I know how to ski without killing myself, so I thought, "Hey, no prob." Big mistake. Do people walk sideways? Do people run sideways? Hell no, they don't so don't expect me to ski sideways on ONE fat ski. I never even made it to the chair lift because I blew out my knee just outside of the lodge. Snowboarding sucks! The END! Maybe I'll try it again before I turn 50. Maybe after Marlise brings me a cheap bottle of Spanish wine.....