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Hedwig. Tune in later for the rest of the story. It will be long, so the faint of heart and mind (or tired of reading and thinking) should belay that request. (I just saw Pirates twice, so I'm using words like "belay.")

My Dear Vixen

Such a sweetie pie! And if we would just listen to her advice. Not necessarily her specific advice, in the sense that not everyone agrees with those tenets, but at least listen to the fact that we should all be aware of one another's boundaries. So that we may all live in peace. (Yes, Jenn, I got your message of peace at your blog... and I believe these little things are the only real way in which we can effect such a thing.)

So go visit my lovely friend's blog (I would post a link here, but good God! Let's face it! How fucking hard is it to go over to my blogroll and click on Bad Girls Guide?? I mean, why did I go to the trouble of doing that if I gotta make it so you don't have to move your mouse another six inches or so ~ six inches... hee hee ~ to click!) and see what her phone rules are. I have posted my twist on them here. (Her rules are in bold.)

Phone Etiquette for Dummies

1. Do not call me after 8pm.

Me: You can call me anytime you like, day or night. If I am busy, I won’t answer. If I’m asleep, I know how to turn the ringer off so that I won’t be disturbed. Likewise, if I’m at a social gathering, I still know how to turn the ringer off.

2. If you do call, and I don’t answer, leave a brief message with your name and number.

Me: If I don’t answer, do NOT leave a message if all you want me to do is call you back, because when I see the missed call, I’ll know that! There is no need for me to dial up my voicemail and run through that deal just to hear, “It’s me, call me” (Unless you’re my boyfriend, in which case, I love every syllable of every word you say, so you could tell me to go to hell and I’d probably enjoy it!)

3. If you decide to call me back later on, give specific time and day that you will be calling back and honor that time.

Me: If you are a man who is interested in dating me (or anyone else) and you say you will call at a certain time, you’d better do it. Vixen gives you a thirty minute window. I’ll give you about fifteen, tops. I agree with Rita Rudner’s account of what it means when a man doesn’t call you. It’s not because he lost your number or his phone is broken, or his arm is broken or he’s in a coma,… it’s because he didn’t want to call you! Plain and simple.

4. If I’m interested and decide to call you back or pick up when you call, after the first round of pleasantries, get straight to the point.

Me: I don’t even know what to do with this one. Hard to make this one a hard and fast rule.

5. When you do ask me out, suggest drinks, coffee or a lunch.

Me: If you want to meet me (again, if this is a dating situation, especially a first “get-to-know-you” date) then you’d better suggest dinner or lunch or at least drinks. I have NO interest in meeting you at Starbucks! If I wanted to stand at a counter and make my own coffee, I could fuckin’ do that at home!

6. If I don’t want to date you, I will tell you that I’m not interested.

Me: Amen to that, sistah! Game playing is for losers. So if you think I’m playing games, then I think you’re calling me a loser. Or you are calling yourself a loser, for wanting to date losers!

7. If you do manage to keep me on the phone after we have confirmed date information, please do not talk about your mother, your ex, your baby mama or any sexual innuendos.

Me: It amazes me the things people ramble on about that really do not suite the situation. I believe that if you don’t have something interesting or important to say, then you should never let anyone persuade you to say it!

8. If you do happen to be a great conversationalist and we actually have good phone chemistry, don’t think you should sit back, relax and assume you’re in like Flynn – because you’re not!

Me: I don’t know who Flynn is. :)

9. The standard first phone call should last no more than 10 minutes.

Me: Shoot, I’ve spent hours on first phone conversations. I dunno how to make a limit on that.

10. As soon as you see me trying to wind up the chat, surrender gracefully and we might talk again.

Me: Chat-winding-up seems to be hard for people to pick up on. I don’t really expect people (especially men) to be savvy about that. If I’m done talking with you, I am very capable of saying, “Bye bye now!”

But let’s go over a couple more things. It is NEVER appropriate to sit and chat on the phone while out with someone. Doesn’t matter who they are. Even if it’s your mom or your sister or your best friend. I realize that important calls come in. You might be on call. Or be expecting to hear that a baby is born, or that someone’s condition has changed at the hospital, etc., but that is not the sort of thing I’m talking about. If you get a call, there is nothing at all wrong with saying, “Yes, I want to talk with you, but I’m with some people at the moment, what would be a good time to call you back?” You get the drift.

It’s also NEVER appropriate to chat endlessly on the phone when others are in a car with you. Whether you are the driver or not. You hinder virtually everyone else in the near vicinity from enjoying anything at all. They can’t talk, or they would be rudely interfering with your conversation. They could also not listen to music, for the same reason. They have no choice but to sit and listen to your lame-ass conversation, and only half of it at that! Ugh!

Ah well… we could go on and on. We could even go into email etiquette. But who pays attention to this shit anyway?

Why I Hate the Blog Exchange

I'll make this quick, and don't think that just because you read this post, you can skip the last one!

It just sucks when you go to one of your regular blogs and find that someone else is posting there! The first time this happened to me, it was at Guntoter's blog. I thought, "Oh cool. I'll reply to this and then go to the other one and reply there and I'll have a new blog friend!" But noooooooooooooooooooo... all I got was ignored! I got no response at either fuckin' place! Okay fine. Then this month, I visited four of my regular blogs and found a different person there! Then when I went to the corresponding blog, my friend may or may not have posted yet! I get all discombobulated and believe me, I don't need more of that!! I was completely through one story and didn't discover until the end that it wasn't even by the person I thought it was by and so I had to re-read it from a different vantage point! Sheesh! Do you people think I have this kind of time?

So I decided that I fuckin' hate that fucking blog exchange! Fuck! :)

Also, someone tagged me (besides The Exceptional One) and for the life of me, I can't remember who it was or what the hell it was about. So if you dare to do it again, feel free! (Although you might pull back a bloody stump!)

This Fuckin' Baby...

... is just so damn fuckin' cute! Yeah, I just got back from visiting that little face. Her comfort revolves around constantly naming everyone in the room, including the vacuum. For some reason, she's always had a fixation with this machine. It's my theory that she was somehow afraid of it when she was tiny and someone said to her, "It's just the vacuum." So now, if she's in a new situation, at a new house or in a new restaurant, she looks around and says, "Vacuum?"

Or maybe she's just smarter than the rest of us and realizes we live in a vacuum, who knows?

My favorite restaurant in Utah: (Has been for almost thirty years) The Old Spaghetti Factory in Trolley Square.

My favorite restaurant in San Diego: Dick's Last Resort (I'm not kidding. It's where my ex and I went for our last date.)

My favorite restaurant in Oakland, CA: Mezze ~ look it up ~ it's unbe-fucking-lievable!

My favorite restaurant in Murrieta, CA: Giovanni's. I love italian food, especially at little family owned places.

My favorite restaurant in Riverside, Seattle, Minneapolis, Sacramento, Newport Beach, etccccccc ~ The Old Spaghetti Factory! You simply cannot beat that browned butter and mizithra cheese! (Although we've learned to make it at home and so we aren't so desperately seeking them out now.)

That was in response to beinged tagged by The Exceptional One. Yes, it was supposed to be in my respective area, but I have never lived in a respective area, so I decided to make it a mish-mash of locales!

By the way, for anyone who is listening, I fuckin' hate it when people do that fucking blog exchange! There! I said it!

That's all for now, folks. Thanks for stopping by! Meow.