My Dear Vixen

Such a sweetie pie! And if we would just listen to her advice. Not necessarily her specific advice, in the sense that not everyone agrees with those tenets, but at least listen to the fact that we should all be aware of one another's boundaries. So that we may all live in peace. (Yes, Jenn, I got your message of peace at your blog... and I believe these little things are the only real way in which we can effect such a thing.)

So go visit my lovely friend's blog (I would post a link here, but good God! Let's face it! How fucking hard is it to go over to my blogroll and click on Bad Girls Guide?? I mean, why did I go to the trouble of doing that if I gotta make it so you don't have to move your mouse another six inches or so ~ six inches... hee hee ~ to click!) and see what her phone rules are. I have posted my twist on them here. (Her rules are in bold.)

Phone Etiquette for Dummies

1. Do not call me after 8pm.

Me: You can call me anytime you like, day or night. If I am busy, I won’t answer. If I’m asleep, I know how to turn the ringer off so that I won’t be disturbed. Likewise, if I’m at a social gathering, I still know how to turn the ringer off.

2. If you do call, and I don’t answer, leave a brief message with your name and number.

Me: If I don’t answer, do NOT leave a message if all you want me to do is call you back, because when I see the missed call, I’ll know that! There is no need for me to dial up my voicemail and run through that deal just to hear, “It’s me, call me” (Unless you’re my boyfriend, in which case, I love every syllable of every word you say, so you could tell me to go to hell and I’d probably enjoy it!)

3. If you decide to call me back later on, give specific time and day that you will be calling back and honor that time.

Me: If you are a man who is interested in dating me (or anyone else) and you say you will call at a certain time, you’d better do it. Vixen gives you a thirty minute window. I’ll give you about fifteen, tops. I agree with Rita Rudner’s account of what it means when a man doesn’t call you. It’s not because he lost your number or his phone is broken, or his arm is broken or he’s in a coma,… it’s because he didn’t want to call you! Plain and simple.

4. If I’m interested and decide to call you back or pick up when you call, after the first round of pleasantries, get straight to the point.

Me: I don’t even know what to do with this one. Hard to make this one a hard and fast rule.

5. When you do ask me out, suggest drinks, coffee or a lunch.

Me: If you want to meet me (again, if this is a dating situation, especially a first “get-to-know-you” date) then you’d better suggest dinner or lunch or at least drinks. I have NO interest in meeting you at Starbucks! If I wanted to stand at a counter and make my own coffee, I could fuckin’ do that at home!

6. If I don’t want to date you, I will tell you that I’m not interested.

Me: Amen to that, sistah! Game playing is for losers. So if you think I’m playing games, then I think you’re calling me a loser. Or you are calling yourself a loser, for wanting to date losers!

7. If you do manage to keep me on the phone after we have confirmed date information, please do not talk about your mother, your ex, your baby mama or any sexual innuendos.

Me: It amazes me the things people ramble on about that really do not suite the situation. I believe that if you don’t have something interesting or important to say, then you should never let anyone persuade you to say it!

8. If you do happen to be a great conversationalist and we actually have good phone chemistry, don’t think you should sit back, relax and assume you’re in like Flynn – because you’re not!

Me: I don’t know who Flynn is. :)

9. The standard first phone call should last no more than 10 minutes.

Me: Shoot, I’ve spent hours on first phone conversations. I dunno how to make a limit on that.

10. As soon as you see me trying to wind up the chat, surrender gracefully and we might talk again.

Me: Chat-winding-up seems to be hard for people to pick up on. I don’t really expect people (especially men) to be savvy about that. If I’m done talking with you, I am very capable of saying, “Bye bye now!”

But let’s go over a couple more things. It is NEVER appropriate to sit and chat on the phone while out with someone. Doesn’t matter who they are. Even if it’s your mom or your sister or your best friend. I realize that important calls come in. You might be on call. Or be expecting to hear that a baby is born, or that someone’s condition has changed at the hospital, etc., but that is not the sort of thing I’m talking about. If you get a call, there is nothing at all wrong with saying, “Yes, I want to talk with you, but I’m with some people at the moment, what would be a good time to call you back?” You get the drift.

It’s also NEVER appropriate to chat endlessly on the phone when others are in a car with you. Whether you are the driver or not. You hinder virtually everyone else in the near vicinity from enjoying anything at all. They can’t talk, or they would be rudely interfering with your conversation. They could also not listen to music, for the same reason. They have no choice but to sit and listen to your lame-ass conversation, and only half of it at that! Ugh!

Ah well… we could go on and on. We could even go into email etiquette. But who pays attention to this shit anyway?


Anonymous said...

I think you've already covered email etiquette if I remember correctly.

I like some of these things, but like you I can control my phone calls pretty well. If I want off the phone, I just tell them I am going to get off the phone now!

I do hate that voicemail thing, because if I see a friend has called, I would prefer to just call back. My voicemail is a pain in the butt, it takes several steps to dial up, and if I don't check it, I have an annoying double beep everytime i try to answer my phone or make a call and until I check the voicemail that won't go away.

I didn't even have voice mail for the longest time. I hardly ever leave messages on peoples phones. I've gone off on a tangent here, maybe you should post about appropriate comment length etc.

Vixen said...

Lol---the post wasn't for regular phone calls; it was for guys calling me for the first time after I gave 'em my phone number. My VM is so easy, and that way I can prioritize who to call back based on the message. Also my phone only saves 10 missed calls and won't show missed calls if it's off, so leaving a message is far easier. I like that you did this---reading your responses was so fun!

Oh---AND the thing about cell phones in cars---THAT TOTALLY NEEDS TO BE A FUCKIN' RULE! I absolutely detest it when people do that, you can't put on the radio, you can't talk, you just have to be an unwilling eavesdropper. Ugh!

BBC said...

Don't call me at all, I'm not much of a phone person, I prefer to talk to others in person, to be able to look into their eyes. Send an email, or just drop by for a beer, maybe a fireside chat on my outside love seat.

Shoot, if I'm by the phone I'm most likely on the Internet and the line is busy so anyone that calls is going to get my answering machine.

Have a great day, hugs

The Exception said...

I do not like people taking calls (unless an emergency) when in company to begin with. There is nothing worse than having a conversation with someone and then... their phone rings. They answer it. Then proceed to have a conversation. That drives me crazy!

Or when a date takes his phone with you to the table and occasionally checks his voicemail. Hello.

Worker Mommy said...

If someone calls me I don't answer and they doesn't leave a message I get irked. Yes I see the number but the message lets me know if they were calling to just shoot the shit or if it was a matter that requires I call them back.

Definitely agreed on the don't chat it up on the phone while out with another person. That is beyond rude!

Worker Mommy said...

hahaha. I'm so laughing at my grammar

I said "and they doesn't leave a message"


ZoeyBella said...

Hate the phone... it's only good for ordering pizza... and even that can be done over the Net these days. :)

Brillig said...

Voicemail: "Hi, Teri. It's Brillig. Call me back. Maybe we can go get lunch while you're in town...

WAIT A MINUTE!!! You were only in town for a couple of days! And it just happened to be a couple of days that I was completely unavailable to even do something so simple as check my email! Grrrr. I SO would have loved to meet you.

Next time?"


BBC said...

Having said that, my phone number is

You can talk to my answering machine.

cathouse teri said...

ba doozie: Yes indeed, I have addressed the email etiquette subject. Although you are probably my only faithful reader from those many days gone by. (I was just kidding about it anyway.)

kitty vix: Yeah, I know you were talking about guys you just met. My rules are pretty much the same across the board. Except the "call me back when you say you will" thing. I do think it's polite to call when you say you will, but in the case of my friends, I am much more lenient. I stopped waiting for calls from a man many, many, many moons ago.

bbc: Okay, I won't call. I promise.

Exceptional Kitty: It is quite rude to take calls while in the company of another. Well, I mean, to chat. For instance, if my boss or my parents call, I almost ALWAYS take the call. But I find out if it's important, and if not, I call them back later. And a date who does that (or sits his phone on the table and checks voice mail, etc.) will not have a second date.

Mommy Kitty: Quite frankly, I don't have many people calling just to shoot the breeze. I love talking on the phone, but when you talk to me, it won't be about the sale on shoes or the price of gas or the weather. (Yeah, your typo was cute.)

kitty bella: People have strong feelings about the phone. My sister HATES the phone. If I call her, she wants the long and short of it within two minutes flat and she wants to hang up. But in person, she can talk all day long!

kitty brill: I know! I am always in town very briefly. Rarely more than two or three days. At Chrismas or Thanksgiving it will be longer. I will be back again in the end of July, so KEEP IN TOUCH!

bbc: Oh darn. I already promised never to call. But thanks for the generous offer to talk to a machine! I so love that!

Jami said...

I will take calls from work or home because then I figure it's important. For the rest, I've got VM. And if someone - even people I don't know - decide to strike up what is obviously a personal chat on their cell phone in my presence I have no qualms about contributing to the conversation. I also feel no need to keep quiet just because they choose to yak on the phone around me.

BBC said...

But, but, I want you to call me so I can hear what your voice sounds like. :-)

And sometimes I actually get stupid and answer the phone when it rings.

Anyway, having hanged out around Ogden have you ever been to Eden?

I lived there on a ranch when I was in the fourth grade.

Damn, it sure was nice up there as I recall. I would sit out in the car in front of the bar and grandma would bring out a root beer for me to drink.

Sometimes they would come out and tell me to take a walk and then drive the car around behind the bar.

I was ten, what in the hell would I know what they were doing back there?

Hell, I never even kissed a girl until I was 20.

Anonymous said...

Calls from new few and far between in my world - not a dating junkie.

My rules for prospectives is they have to call me after 9:15pm (but before 10:30pm (initially or otherwise) - aka after my girls are in bed...I'm free to talk openly with them and my curious munchkins get to stay out of my dating life.

I definitely agree with the cell rules on a date or in a social setting. That is why voice mail was invented and why you can turn off the cell or the ringer.

I don't have caller ID at home or on my cell so I wouldn't know who called if they didn't leave a message, but straight to the point is preferred, unless it's time sensitive in which case the caller should say that. I spend enough hours on the telephone during my work day, the telephone is definitely not where I want to be at the end of the day.

I figure if it's important enough and they don't leave a message, they'll call back. I leave my cell on only when I'm expecting the possibility of a call (Example - hour before meeting someone). Otherwise its a call-out phone only.