About the word Fuck

It's interesting the response that word gets. I'm a mother. I'm a grandmother. I don't cuss around the children. But I have known people who do. I mean people who have a healthy view of things and who explain to their children that they don't get to say those things, any more than they get to have a glass of wine with dinner. It's all very natural. And those children don't wind up running around inappropriately swearing.

But it can be a bit of a problem around little ones. They cannot comprehend that one word is okay to say and another is not. They see their parents passionately express something and they pick up on that because it is passionate. They learn very easily when those words apply. And the reaction they get.

So, here's a story about my granddaughter. She is two and a half. And around the word fuck a lot. She knows exactly how to use it, too. Her daddy (my son) was changing her diaper one day and he was getting frustrated looking around for the baby wipes, which seemed to have disappeared. He said out loud, "Now where are those wipes?" She said, "Where are the fuckin wipes, daddy?" She KNEW he had left out that word! Another time, she wanted her mommy to participate in her game of naming shapes. She was holding up a triangle and saying over and over, "Look mama, a triangle! Look, a triangle!" Mama was tired of that game, having been playing it all day long, so she was no longer responsive to it. Then darling BrynLeigh said, "Look Mama! A fuckin triangle!" (That's my baby!)

At any rate, I've lost the need for feeling repulsed at a word. Every word depends on the tone and the meaning behind the sayer. A person can be entirely demeaning to you without saying a single cuss word. Yet, a friend could say to you, "Are you out of your fucking mind?" or even call you a "motherfucker" and not mean a bit of offense. (And what's wrong with a mother fucker, I might add?)

I once had a conversation with a man who wanted to live alone, and not have a roommate any longer. I asked why and he said he felt uncomfortable bringing women home. I understood. Or so I thought. He went on to explain that he thought it was an inappropriate thing to do in the awareness of others. What the fuck? I said, "So... you mean you think it's like... a sin or something to bring her home and you don't want him to know that you are a sinner?" He said, "Something like that." Then he added that his children are around a mother who brings men home all the time and they call their mother a whore. He felt oh so much more righteous because he takes his fucking to a hotel where he can do it in secret and in the dark. He prefers the message to his children that he is doing something wrong but at least has the decency to conceal it! Now, true, a woman should NOT bring a bunch of men into her home of children. This is bad on many levels. So I'm not advocating that. I'm speaking of hypocrisy here. The kids know he's a hypocrite. They are grown children. When I asked him what he would do if one of them wanted to bring someone home, he said, "I would advise them to do it in a hotel room, like I do." I said, "I tell you what. I have grown kids and I don't teach them that fucking is wrong. Because it's NOT! I mean, I do it! Am I to teach them that I go about doing wrong things?"

I think the thing that is wrong is that we indulge in the "sinful" things and think we're hiding it from them. We are not hiding it. We are just teaching them that it needs to be hidden.

My children absolutely adore and respect me. They wouldn't say a harsh word to me if their lives depended on it. And they don't care about what I do and say. Because what matters to them is that I'm happy.

30 comments:

Real Life Drama Queen said...

Hiding in my opinion means you are ashamed of what you are doing. .. being ashamed is never something anyone should wish to aspire too. When I was dating though.. and having my fun I might had... being a single mom.. it never went home.. my kids were and are too young to understand my "needs" as a woman.. and I have seen in the past women just parading men in and out of the bedroom like they were packaged candy. To me that is sad, but.. if they are in seriously wanting or going somewhere.. then hiding your man is not an option...the only sad thing about it is.. what if the child does like the man? it doesn't work and the child gets hurt.. so I agree with the no parading.. but if your children are grown.. why the hell are you still hiding?

My youngest is Four.. and being that I once was married to a very verbally vocal Marine, I now have a very colorful vocab. The funny thing is, when I cuss, I get reprimanded by the little munchkin. Nothing like being chastised by a four years old. LOL

Great Entry Teri.. keep up the good work.

cathouse teri said...

Thanks, babe. And I agree. Being a parent, you must put the needs of the children before yours. Their level of maturity is not able to handle mommy fucking around. But that is mainly not a "sin" issue, but more of a matter of their having a hard time with mommy being intimate with a man. They have just as hard a time seeing her kiss a man, or even hold hands. My youngest, at twelve, would get upset if a man looked at me too long!

But they do need to learn that mommy needs to have a life, too. Over time, they even appreciate it. It's important that they know you are human.

Real Life Drama Queen said...

Oh I agree they definatly need to know we are human... by far.

I almost forgot to give you hell though.. you are not a whore. HUGS

You are terrific and just because you have some fun.. that does not make you a whore. But I did use to be a bit of a slut in the old days ;o)

cathouse teri said...

We'll talk about the whore word another day. *wink*

ian said...

Hehe. The word "fuck" in its various iterations is uttered about two hundred thousand times a day where I work. I have to be real careful around my kids, because they'll parrot me given the chance.

It's not like they don't know the words - last year my 6-year old daughter called her older brother a "fuck ass". I've just tried to instill in them that they're not to use those words NOW.

I've got them believing they can't swear until they turn 18. Who am I to argue that?

Ian

ZoeyBella said...

I'll admit it... I love using the word. Doesn't matter if I'm shopping, cooking or doing it. There was a point in time I used it like it was my last name.

And while there's something dirty about saying "Let's screw" it's just better to drop an f-bomb now and then.

Have you seen the movie of the same name? Worth watching.

Oh... and then there's this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CqnvxP0H3lM

cathouse teri said...

Ian: Good luck with that! :)

Kitty Bella: Thanks for the fucking link! That was awesome. I feel so fucked. I liked the one about, "Why don't you go out side and play hide and go fuck yourself?"

The Exception said...

There is so much here.

My daughter has picked a curse word up here and there but rarely to never uses them. It is as if she knows the meaning and just doesn't feel the need. That said, when she has used them I have not reacted outside of the norm but have explained that there might be better words for her to use. The words do not get a rise out of me like they might others.

And tone is everything! Words take on different meanings with the tone of voice.

Lastly, before my daughter was born I decided that honesty was the only way to go. I would be that mother who would discuss biology, sexuality, and other issues with my kid when she asked. She has asked, and I have comfortably answered her questions - and only her questions. (She has known how a baby is made, biologically speaking, for years but doesn't know how the sperm gets to the egg. She is 7 and hasn't asked)

And yes, I enjoy men in my house but will not introduce my daughter to one until it is a serious relationship. Exposing a child to a parade of partners (child at an early age) has its own baggage, in my opinion.

cathouse teri said...

Yes, there are certainly ways to have a healthy and active sex life without involving the children.

However, all of that having been said, you would be amazed at the mistakes we can make and still the kids grow up just fine.

Ba Doozie said...

ian's daughter would do well to step it up a notch and call him a "fuckwadassclown". now thats a person who is a problem, one that is an FWAC

I have went through phases in my life where I tried to clean up my language, and what not. I am currently in a phase where I go ahead and say fuck if I feel like it within reason. obviously I cant say it at work, and I try not to say it around my son.

there is just something about that word, and I think it is the fact that some really atrocious people i've run across use it as an adverb, and a pronoun. they just can't say a sentence without saying, this fucking cow is fucking ticking me the fuck off and fuck....i mean fuck, when is the fucking mother fucking butcher going to fucking get the fuck here with his fucking gun to fucking kill that mother fucking cow? FUCK


that is bad grammar, and shows that I have no real reason to be alive

cathouse teri said...

Yes, but it's so fun to see someone who is so passionate about killing a cow!

Ba Doozie said...

there is something so satisfying about calling someone a "fucker". and all of the variations around that.

fucker, motherfucker, fuckwad, fuckstick, fuckwadassclown, motherfuckin fucker, etc, etc...,,u favorite:fuckwaddorkassbuttlickinmotherfuckinpontificatingass

Ba Doozie said...

the stupid blog cut off my comment....neverfuckingmind

cathouse teri said...

Aw... now I'll never get to know the rest of that word!

Dan said...

Fuck! You are funny! Oh ... shit ... oops ... twice in 5 seconds. So sorry about that. Ugh!

By the way, thanks (from both me and Lulu, the damed cat) for visiting my blog last week. Very kind of you.

And if you're interested in how my dad told me about the meaning of the f-word (there, I'm being better), you can check this out.

But I would totally understand if you didn't give a fuck.

Gunfighter said...

You see what you fucking started?

Diesel said...

I go to a hotel to whore out my blog sometimes.

Adventures In Waitressing said...

All I can say is this comment thread is getting Fucking hilarious!

cathouse teri said...

I love the way fuck does that.

Brillig said...

hmmmm! You guys are on a roll, aren't you!!!

I'm clearly the exception here, in that I personally HATE the word, and therefore I NEVER use it. I don't censor it when other's do, but it's just not for me. At all. So I'm being completely honest and upfront with my kids by NOT cussing around them.

See? I'm every bit as angelic as they think I am.

*Cue the choir singing "Hallelujia"*

cathouse teri said...

*Teri builds a shrine around Saintly Brill*

I'll add a bead to my rosary in her name. :)

(I was going to say fucking rosary, but I thought it might offend someone)

Yes, whether you love, like or hate the word, it is important to be honest about it.

I always say it isn't about right or wrong. It's about honesty.

minijonb said...

i love this post!

i learned how to use Fuck correctly at the age of three... from listening to my mother. she was mortified. i used it correctly in a sentence in a shoe store. she tried to cover up for me. "Oh, he said 'Oh Truck!'" nah, no one bought it.

Real Life Drama Queen said...

Well Fuck a Duck.. the truck didn't work LOL.. cute story though

Ms. Annie D said...

Profanity doesn't phase me unless it's derogatory of certain groups of people.

And my language is much more colorful in private than it is on my blog.

But what fascinates me, Teri, is that you repeatedly refer to yourself as a whore.

When you explain the meaning of THAT one, I wanna know...

Ba Doozie said...

pontificating assclown

Ba Doozie said...

I'm sending you a cartoon and you need to post it

Gunfighter said...

"Pontificating ass clown"

I love it, and I swear that I am going to use it before the day is over. I'll let you know how it goes.


GF

cathouse teri said...

Yes, the Doozie is the queen of creative phraseology. :)

Maisha said...

i love me a pottymouth little one...my niece looks to be taking that route...

I AM SO PROUD OF HER!

Jami said...

Just cruising back through older posts and I had to comment on this one. Right now, my kids are stuck on "Butt nugget" and "Turd blossom" but they do reprimand me for saying "fuck". Oh, and unless you're an only child, your father was a mother-fucker.