Nice Guys Finish Last?

Recently, one of my baby mamas broke my youngest son's heart. She told him she was no longer in love with him. This has been no fun. At any rate, they have split now, but he still spends daily time with his most precious darling baby girl, Alexa Jade.

Brady has been posting at his myspace blog and I asked for permission to post some of his quotes here.

He has this to say about this hard time:

Thank Heaven for Little Girls

... you gotta try and stay positive because life will go on remember? Fortunately, I have my daughter around to help me. She doesn't really know it but I talk to her for hours while she sleeps. It's kinda my therapy. But there's also when she's awake, we hang out and play and that's where the real magic happens. She reminds me of all the good things in this world, the reasons to be thankful you're alive and breathing, to be thankful for hugs and kisses and laughter. So it's getting better with time.


But this one especially touched me:

Nice Guys Finish Last

It always seems like no matter how kind you can be in life, people still screw you over without even thinking about it. But you know what, when I'm dead and gone I want people to remember who I was as a person. How giving I was, how thoughtful I was, how much I cared, how forgiving I was and overall I want people to think of me as an amazing person. Now I'm not saying that everyone will think that because I'm not the best person out there, but I am the best I can be. So people who are ass holes in this world might seem to get ahead in life. They get the girl, the job, the car. But to me all that means nothin. What really matters is the impact you have on people's lives. So my saying is "nice guys finish last...but they have the greatest endings." Personally, I would rather have that being said about me than the so called "achievements" I had in life by walking all over people. Life's not about how far you get but the impact you leave on the people you were around throughout your life.

31 comments:

iamnot said...

I hate the whole "Baby Mama" thing.
I'll never understand the willingness to make children without the willingness to commit to marriage.

Glad to see your son has his priorities right.

cathouse teri said...

Well, Mister Not, I am not at all of the mind that marriage is necessary for having children. Neither do I think that when you are having a child together, that just because you choose to get married that it means you are MORE committed to being a parent. Or even a partner, for that matter. In fact, I can think of no good reason at all to get married. But that's just me. How my children (and others) feel is their own business.

dadshouse said...

Yeah, nice guys often finish last. But it sounds like he knows life isn't about finishing, it's about how you move through it. We're not human doings, we're human beings. Thanks for the great reminder.

The Exception said...

Second what DH said. It sounds as if he is a great dad regardless of all that he is feeling and experiencing as an adult. More power to him! That little girl is fortunate to have him and you in her life.

Jenn in Holland said...

I can't imagine a more perfect way to say that. He really gets it and his words really give it to us, don't they? Man, no wonder you were touched. Me, I got teary over that, might have even sniffed once. He's right, he's right. He is so right.

iamnot said...

Teri,
I think marriage SHOULD indicate a level of commitment. Unfortunately, the doesn't really apply these days.
For the most part, and I'm not talking about your kids 'cause I don't know them, as a society we've gotten in the habit of jumping in to all sorts of things with little concern for the long term consequences. We've become so adept at avoiding the personal consequences and ignoring the consequences to others.
Forgive my rant Teri. Clearly, I'm in a marriage that persists only because of the consequent obligations. I've got to rant to justify my own imprisonment.

Trukindog said...

I truly connect with the nice guys finish last thing, that's why I have chosen to be alone for the last 2 years, I'd rather be alone than be walk on...at least until the scars heal enough to be walked on again.

Mrs4444 said...

What a little cutie! Sweet thoughts, too.

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

Oh, I'm guessing your boy will always, always have love in his life. So maybe not from a lover, but he'll always have love.

What a total sweetie.

Man, you raised those kids right.

I'm sorry he's going through a hard time right now and I hope that things get much, much easier.

VE said...

I've stopped thinking about how I'll be remembered or how people percieve me. Two generations down the road and nobody will be alive to remember anything anyway. I often look at old gravestones and wonder who the people were and if anyone alive remembers who they were.

Southern Sage said...

Well that sux
he's got the right attitude tho for sure
good luck to him.

pretty baby too!

cathouse teri said...

DH aka DM: I love that. Not what we do but what we be. :)

Exceptional One: We are all lucky to be people who need people. Hee hee. *teri breaks into song*

Jenn Baby: I love it when they are right! ;)

cathouse teri said...

Mr. Not: Yes, I understand the concept that misery loves company. And one must finally say to everyone, "Just do the right thing like I am! So what if you hate your life? You're doing what is right and responsible!" But we three (my kids) and I have been on that plot of land and found it much to dark for anyone to grow on. Although their father seems to still be there. He believes all of these children of ours are completely screwed up and fairly whips himself and pours ashes on his head nightly to punish himself for allowing it to happen. He was recently quoted as saying to our oldest, "Stop thinking outside the box! You need to be thinking INSIDE the box!" He said that right after he said to him about his baby boy, "How is the kid... what's his name again?"

I can't explain it. All I know is that we are happy and he is not.

cathouse teri said...

Trukin: I only go out with nice guys. I've never understood the "bad boy" attraction.

Mrs. 4444: Always a pleasure to see you!

Jen of Blah Blah: Oh believe me, whatever was done right with those kids was completely by accident! :)

VE: I know what you mean. But Brady isn't speaking in the sense of trying to do things so that people will perceive you in a favorable light. He is explaining that when you do loving things for people, the ones that count will remember you for it. The others can fuck off.

cathouse teri said...

SS: He really is a sweeatheart and a pleasure to know, that boy of mine. And to think, I was not one bit happy about being pregnant with him! :)

Sornie said...

I think most people echo that sentiment put forth in the Nice Guys Finish Last post. It's just more powerful to see it in print.

T said...

Aw! What a cutie pie!

It sounds like that little girl's in good hands.

Thanks for commenting. I'm new here! :)

cathouse teri said...

Sornie: Yeah, it is kind of about being able to put it into words, ain't it?

T: Glad to see you! Welcome and stop by often. :)

Struke said...

Teri...I am so sorry to hear about your son and the breakup. He is so true about nice guys. And while pubicly, many people recognize the "good" deeds done by the a-holes, behind their backs, they have no respect because they stepped all over people.

wanderling said...

So terrible when love leaves but from the sound of things he won't be single for long. Sounds like a good guy, which is better way of thinking about the term "nice guy". Nice guys might not necessarily be all that nice.

I also have to say that animal outfits on children are one of the bestest things eva and my future children will not be allowed to wear anything but such clothes.

I pray this won't lead to teasing cause no one likes to see people getting beaten up by children in animal costumes.

Flip Flop Momma said...

that whole situation sucks..

what a pretty baby though..

cathouse teri said...

Struke: Yeah, we all really see right thru them.

Wanderling: I am so picturing the little kids in animal costumes beating people up! Actually, this is not an animal costume, but I can see how it seems that way.

Brady is a very nice guy. And very handsome. And very tall. He was the captain of the football team. Always had girls swarming all around him. He and I used to have a theme song, "Got a Lot of Leavin' Left to Do," because we both knew no one had any business falling in love with either of us. I have no idea how this gal nabbed him, but she done let him go now! :)

FFM: Situations often do suck. But I will tell you that my niece recently visited Brady in California and she said, "He looks so great and so happy!"

And the beat goes on...

Bella said...

Sounds like a very smart guy and great Dad!

You should be proud of raising a wonderful sn and I wish him the best of luck!

Bella

anno said...

You have the greatest kids (and the most beautiful grandchildren, too), and these posts you write about them are just luminous. Your granddaughter is a lucky girl.

wanderling said...

yeah Ms Teri, you have one hawt son there! I thought Alexa was supposed to be a rabbit with kind of funny bits on the end of the ears. Then again, I also thought your aunt Jeanne had walked for miles, broken into a Chinese neighbours house and stolen a wok, and you were just having problems spelling it or something. Maybe I shouldn't be admitting this. Ah who cares, I'm anonymous hehehehe

braden said...

i wanted to stop by and say thank you to you all. you all are very kind and inspiring. except of course that mr not guy. you seem to be angry about something that is none of my concern. we're all happy your marriage is working out but that doesnt mean that you need to judge others for not having married. i am able to raise my daughter just fine out of wed lock. i dont need a marriage to be able to bring my daughter into this world and give her the life she deserves. being married would not make my life or my daughter's any easier or better. so you go and do your thing, ill do mine and ill be fine without having married but thank you for your thoughts ;)

iamnot said...

Just so you know I've read this...I'm up to my ears right now and will respond soon.

iamnot said...

Branden,

I hope you did not take my comments as unkind. I did not intend them to be that way.
For the record, from my point of view, my marriage is not working out well. It is working for my children though, and so I stay in it because I love them more than I love me. That's my choice and I know it's not a choice everyone would make.
You certainly don't need marriage to bring anyone in to this world. Skyrocketing illegitimacy rates testify to that. If you have the time, and enjoy being depressed, search around a bit on the statistics on single parent homes re: poverty levels and just about any other measure of quality of life you can think of. The facts strongly support two parents as the best situation for children.
Of course, statistics do not define any individual situation. I've had friends who were raised in just really awful situations with single moms that turned out better than great. I also know people who grew up with every possible advantage and squandered the opportunity.
Also, one of the major factors in all that poverty and the poor outcomes is the lack of involvement of a Father in the kids lives. Obviously, your child will not suffer that loss (good on you).
My point is, and always has been, that as a society, we've gone a long way down a dangerous road of avoiding responsibility for our actions. One of the many manifestations of that phenomenon is the rate at which children must grow up in poverty. Not only financial poverty, but a poverty of love and guidance that results from one missing parent, and the other parent too busy struggling to survive to be what the children need.
As to judging others... I do judge you and I am entitled to. I judge everyone I see every minute of every day, and I've done that my entire life. I am who I am because I observed the people around me...parents, siblings, teachers, people in the news...and judged what they did as good, bad or indifferent. I judged them and modeled myself as best I could after the things I judged to be good and avoided, as best I could, the things I judged to be bad.
Judging you doesn't give me the right to force you to live your life one way or another, and that's as it should be. But we shouldn't confuse our right to live as we wish with a right to live free of the judgement of others. No one is free of judgement, ever.
Furthermore, everyone judges. It's unavoidable and is the essential and defining action in our lives.
You are judging me now as you judge everyone else you come in to contact with. Your daughter will judge you as she grows and be formed by what she sees you do and by what she sees you accept or reject in the world. She'll judge the people you allow to be in her life and everything else she observes. Her judgement will form who she is, in big ways and small, every day of her life.
Parenting is a staggering responsibility, and we all have to find our own way of living up to it. Here's hoping you'll always find yourself up to the task.
BTW, if you read this and think, "What an asshole!" Should I respond with "Who are you to judge me?"

braden said...

mr not,
i believe thats it may be important to have the parents together but on the other hand i believe that it is more important to have two parents who are split up that have a normal relationship then to be together and to hate each other and always fight because ive lived that life and it has more effect on the child then to have them split. if you think i didnt try to make it work you are sadly mistaken. i loved her more then anything and tried with all my might to make it work but she had lost love for me and thats out of mine and her hands. im sorry if you feel i judge you but i dont. i have no right to judge because lord knows i havent lived the most perfect life and im no greater than you or anyone else. also i wasnt offended by anything you said, i dont get offended by peoples thoughts because you have a right to think what you want and frankly i enjoy hearing peoples thoughts.

iamnot said...

Branden,
I would not argue that a destructive marriage is better than single parenthood. As I said, I wasn't trying to comment on your specific situation, but on the larger trend of reproducing without first establishing a stable home environment in which to raise a child.
Good luck to you. Lean heavily on your Mother for wisdom.
Oh...I have a large stash of capital letters and misc. punctuation here on my computer. I'd be happy to email it all to you.

braden said...

mr not, first of all my mother would be happy to hear that you hold her in the highest of thoughts because she deserves it. and i do lean on her for wisdom but also she has raised me to be wise in general. but on the usual negative side you have about you, im glad to hear you have capital letters and correct punctuation programmed on my computer...unfortunately i dont have that setting on my computer, see i built my computer from stone so im limited on the things i can do on it. in fact, in order to turn it on i have to first leap over a river, run through a wall, climb a mountain and sky dive down. now thats just to turn it on! dont even ask what i have to do to write back to people who are so obsessed with being right and have to focus on others flaws to make himself feel better. it is truly too much of an effort to put my time into so you take care mr not, and good luck to you in this thing we call life ;)