Love? LORD ABOVE!! Now You're Tryin' To Trick Me In Love!

SEGUE ALERT (already?)

David, your wish is my command. (Although I have no idea how someone could say that I don't post enough hot women on here!)

Now... on to my real message, prompted at the request of The Exceptional One who has been drawing participants for a theme-based trilogy at her place.

It’s unfortunate that we don’t have several English words to describe the different types of love as the Greeks do. And even then, it’s hard to really put your finger on exactly what THOSE words mean. Since I don’t speak Greek, I am hardly an expert. But here’s my too brief summary:

1. Storge ~ It means “affection” in modern Greek. This is natural affection, such as that experienced by parents for their children.
2. Agape ~ This is the modern day Greek word for love in the sense of general affection felt for those you especially esteem. It’s a big love. The kind that gives that warm, surrounding feeling of comfort.
3. Philia ~ This is clean, friendly love. The type of love that loyalty springs from. It promotes equality and unity.
4. Eros ~ Passionate love. This is the love of most especial appreciation. The love of beautiful things. The things that make us stir inside. For most of us, this is our favorite. Only because it can be so strong at times. But so can the others. And not one of these types of love is more valuable than the others.

This thing ~ LOVE ~ is really all that matters. It’s really what we are all spinning our wheels looking for. Even though it’s actually all around us. (Man! I love that movie!)

And if love were something to find then there are a number of us who certainly should have found it! The fact that the seekers have not found is not for lack of trying.

But I’m afraid I must call this sort of seeking to be living chiefly from the ego.

Clarissa Pinkola-Estes says:
"Three things distinguish living from the soul versus living from the ego only. They are: the ability to sense and learn new ways, the tenacity to ride a rough road and the patience to learn deep love over time." ~ Women Who Run with the Wolves

Learning deep love. Whatever does that mean? Well, anything with the word “deep” in it, is nothing to take lightly. Or shallowly. :)

But even on the shallow level, I think we could safely say that love is something to learn.

Clarissa speaks in her book about the traps we find ourselves stumbling into. Some of these traps were haplessly laid by our own selves. We can spend years caught in them. And even when we get out of them, we are so comfortable with their snares, we stumble into them yet again and again. We look for them! We want them!

But there comes a time when you must draw into yourself. Recover your soul. Remember yourself. Own your own heart. And even there, you can find the comfortable trap. The temptation to stay there becomes strong. But that is where we stop feeding the soul, and start feeding the ego. The light must be sent out again in order for it to remain a living thing.

If only love were a static and tangible thing. I could find it, wrap it up, put a bow on it and set it on the shelf. When I find myself needing it, I could go to the shelf and take hold of it. Turn it around in my hands. Trace it with my fingers. And when I think I’ve had enough, I could put it back where it would wait for me to come another day.

This is what I think we often do with one another. We want love to live inside of the box of another human. And then we want that human to sit right where we left them. All pretty with a bow on them.

But love is not like this. It won’t live in a box. It requires nurturing attention. And just when we think we know the kind of attention it needs, it changes!

Love is a task of patience. The patience to learn deep love over time. And where does patience come from? The ability to sense and learn new ways and the tenacity to ride a rough road.

I hate it when she’s right.

See the posts on Skeleton Woman and Skeleton Woman Defined
for more of my feeble attempts at relating Clarissa’s genius of a mind.

And this ~ from Bernie (song available on my playlist at the sidebar):

Baby you're missing something in the air
I got a name but it don't matter
What's going on, it's cold in here
You have a life but it's torn and tattered
Maybe you're losing pieces of your heart
You have a world but it stopped turning
You lose the day and gain the dark
Love was a fire but it stopped burning
Spare your heart, save your soul
Don't drag your love across the coals
Find your feet and your fortune can be told
Release, relax, let go
And hey now let's recover your soul
Lazy old sunset sinking like a tear
Alone at night in a losing battle
That perfect world is never clear
You have to fight for the things that matter


T said...

Oh my! Did you write this for me?!? It sure feels like it!!

First of all, I LOVE (with a big red heart) Marilyn.

Secondly, no I haven't read that book yet. I promise its on the list!

Gosh you are so right. We forget that its all around us, all that happens, all that is! There is no seeking for it but only removing the blocks to the awareness of its presence. I am reminded of this in so many forms.

Thank you for this lovely reminder today.

cathouse teri said...

T: It is always my pleasure to write just for you! ;)

Anonymous said...

Love is just, well, it's just so complicated sometimes!

Something with such GOOD intentions can really drive you INSANE!

=) bella

wanderling said...

Another inspired post Ms Teri, I just love it. Today in my world, love sucks and not in that way that I know you prefer. I am convinced. Either men are nothing but overgrown babies or I just really can't be with a Libran. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh STUPID MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yellojkt said...

We've got friendship, brotherly love, and lust. That covers most of it.

cathouse teri said...

Bella: Ain't it the truth.

Wanderling: Keep the faith. Remember 9 out of 10 people you go out with are not suitable partners.

Yello: You're missing one.

Loving Annie said...

Love is so important, in every one of its definitions and vibrations. Healthy and balanced loving with self-awareness, rather than being self-destructive in our choice to continue it is what matters as well.

Jormengrund said...

I have to say, that there are a few more words in Greek to explain love, but they're ancient Greek, and really don't have much bearing.

From what I remember from my brief stint with seminary classes, there were SEVEN words in the ancient Greek language for love.

Now, if I could only recall what they were........

cathouse teri said...

Loving Annie: Definitely much more to love than these little definitions can encompass.

Jormengrund: I'm not exactly sure what your point is. I hardly endeavored to present an exhaustive lesson in Greek. In fact, I think my message was about love. But if you do remember what it is you forgot, please do return and enlighten me. ;)

Jormengrund said...

Heh.. Whoops.

Old age sucks when you forget what it was you were trying to say!

I loved this post.

It defines so many things each person wants in a relationship, and some of the points you made are quite accurate!

I need to read a couple of those relationship books!

At least, I need to read the Cliff's Notes for them.. I don't think I'd be able to drag myself into reading the whole thing! *wink*

Brad K. said...

Cathouse Teri - I love "Love Actually". And I noticed how two of the 'new love' stories happened long after the two met, the PM and Natalie, and Jamie and Aurelia. The bozo in the bar in Wisconsin was clearly a sex adventure caricature (or maybe schoolboy fantasy), and nothing more meaningful was portrayed.

One of the most endearing moments was the end of Hugh Grant's dance about No. 10. He notices his secretary standing in the doorway, and she shows such restraint from commenting, a slight show of happiness and approval for his exuberance - that you can see the PM is respected and even loved by the staff. And it is Christmas season again. Gotta dust that one off again.

cathouse teri said...

Jormengrund: (What is that anyway?) Thanks for your more positive reply. Much more fun! As for your comment about being old... um... I don't think so! If I recall correctly, your profile says you are 36!!! You'll have to wait a good thirty before I'll let you get away with a plaintive cry about CRS syndrome. :)

Brad: I would say Jormengrund would be better off just watching that movie, as opposed to reading relationshp books! So much to learn!

The Exception said...

It would be wonderful if we had more ways to say love in English. We rely upon the word to convey so much - expecting another to understand what is meant.

I wonder if it is really difficult to love or whether it is the other things that get in the way or that make it seem as if it is difficult to love (conditions, expectations, our own definitions differing from anothers)

cathouse teri said...

TE: There are so many ways to express love. For instance, my boyfriend of 3.5 years and I never say "I love you" to one another. But the things we do for each other very clearly conveys it. I prefer this to the previous situations I had where I was told very often that someone loved me but their actions didn't back it up.

Words really are not necessary. They are useful, but not necessary.

Actions are necessary.

dadshouse said...

Thanks for the Marilyn pic! I always did feel eros for her.

Struke said...

The toughest thing is realizing that you can't "find" love. You can't hunt for it. A lot of times it kind of just happens.

Teri...well-written. Being a college professor, may I bestow upon you an honorary degree in love?

One Man’s Opinion said...

I knew Eros and Agape. I actually learned them at a bible study when we were talking about the different types of love that God represents.

cathouse teri said...

David: Welcome.

Struke: I'd be happy to finally have a degree!

One Man: Yeah, they try to teach us all that twisted version of what they call "God's love" don't they? :)

wanderling said...

Thanks Ms Teri. I'll try to. I completely agree about actions being important but I also think words are too. If there are words about actions but no actions, then those words mean nothing, but if there are actions with no words then those actions don't mean nothing unless they aren't noticed.

simstone said...

Don't you think that what we are looking for in love is the thrill of feeling alive?

cathouse teri said...

Wanderling: Definitely if you are with someone who shows actions and no words you must work harder to interpret them. And if you are such a person, you must look for just such an interpreter. Either that, or change. :)

Simstone: Definitely.

VE said...

I would always wear that when viewing a raging waterfall... ;)

PS – You better not miss my post for Fri 11/14. I’m one post shy of 600 and out of those there are only 3 current pictures of VE and NONE of him when he was younger. Ever wonder what teen VE looked like? Here’s your opportunity to find out along with a mega embarrassing meme as well. It’s not pretty.

cathouse teri said...

VE: That is so weird! I didn't even notice there was a waterfall in that picture! ;)

I'll be sure and drop by. Fo sho!

wanderling said...

Wanderling: Definitely if you are with someone who shows actions and no words you must work harder to interpret them. And if you are such a person, you must look for just such an interpreter. Either that, or change. :)

I love your wiseness & I wish you'd set up an advice column. I would love to ask you some questions but I don't want to clog this thread. And you know me with email, I kind of hate it.

Diesel said...

Which one is the one I feel for bacon?

The Doozie said...

It is my humble opinion that the "feeling" we are seeking is just that, a feeling which is generated from emotions. I also believe that Love is a action, something we do which denotes putting ourselves out for someone else. Imagine how well marriages would do if people had that attitude?

cathouse teri said...

Wanderling: As you wish.

Diesel: I think that the love of bacon is most definitely all four!

Doozie: I agree. Wholeheartedly.

SINgleGIRL said...

Thank you for this. It was helpful in ways that I'm not quite able to articulate right now. I'm just really glad I found you/it tonight.

We find what we need, I guess.

TwoManyShoes said...

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