Where Have All the Gentlemen Gone?

For those of you who tagged me, all two of you, I will be dutifully posting my taggy response in the very near future. But this was on my mind, so it took precedence.

This I started to say at Mister Write Now's Blog and decided to finish it up here:

I was walking toward the office building, after stepping over to the nearby deli for some nosh to go, hands full. A man and a woman were ten paces or so ahead of me. He was of the totally nerdy techie type and she was of the totally nerdy office dumbshit type. She was giggling like a schoolgirl at everything he said. I have no idea what he was saying, but she was clearly making far too much of it, in my estimated opinion. I thought, "I wonder if he's wooing her?" I was walking faster than they were (I guess they were out for a pleasure walk), so by the time we were at the door, I was fairly on their heels. I now knew what he was talking about, which was entirely unentertaining on any level, and decided that, yes, he was trying to impress her with geektalk and she was falling for it.

He opened the door (which opens OUT by the way) for her, held it while she walked through, turned his head aside to glance at my approach, walked through the door and let it close right in my face! Right in my fucking face! That rarely happens to me. Not only am I a woman (not that I think you should do that to a man) but I am a very womanly woman. And I don't expect men to fall at my feet and worship me, but it's clearly presented ALL the time in ALL ways that I am the weaker sex. This is not something that is missed! Oh man, I was just pissed. I stumbled through the door, and managed to catch up with them at the elevator, just as it opened. I half expected him to run in and close the elevator doors before I made it in, but he didn't. He kept up his idiotic talk (which could have been completely made up for all the ditzy head knew) and she kept up her giggling. I saw that he had on a wedding ring. I was sure this woman was not his wife. As I stepped off the elvator at my floor, I was so tempted to say, "I hope you are not thinking about entering into any kind of intimate relationship with this man, because a man is easily measured by how he treats strangers, especially female strangers."

I have noticed, of late, a decline in the gentleman's mindset. I mean the mind of the gentle man. No, I'm not talking about all the fucking fuss about women's lib and how-men-stopped-opening-doors-for-women-because-they-said-they-could-do-it-themselves-thank-you-very-much. That is WAY behind us now and it's high fucking time we stopped using it in a discussion. I have not seen men (of any age) stop behaving in a mannerly way. Until just now. I notice it happening, and this is not young men. Young men are very polite. I had a man in his sixties muscle past me between cars in a parking lot. I know for SURE that this man knew better!

So, give me gentlemen or give me death!

P.S. I am only using the "nerdy" term as a generic adjective, neither being positive nor negative. Only making a point that they were extremely thus, each of them. :)

18 comments:

jessabean said...

I HATE when people let doors slam in my face. It's just plain rude! And for the record, I hold open doors for men all the time, so I consider it common courtesy as opposed to chivalry. Some guys are just assholes, though. Where did the manners go?

Ba Doozie said...

makes you want to run ahead of him and jab him in the eye with a tampon

Brillig said...

Yeah... I hear ya. A couple years back, I was 8 months pregnant and flying home from the other side of the country, where I had been for a funeral that I simply couldn't miss. I was huge, swollen, exhausted, and still in mourning. In one airport there were no chairs left. They were occupied mostly by business men who sat there watching the sickly pregnant lady STAND while they took up all the chairs. HELLO??? Then, upon arriving at another airport, the whole ROOM evacuated their seats for me. I tried to assure them that I didn't really need ALL the seats, but not one of them wanted to be the guy who didn't stand up for the pregnant lady. Sweet, huh? I wonder if they put something different in the water at that particular airport!

I like your advice to the girl. EVERY girl should receive that advice--don't look at how he treats YOU, because of course he's gonna treat you well, for the moment. Look at how he treats people (women especially) in GENERAL!

Hi. I'm Brillig. I leave ridiculously long comments. But then again, you already knew that. :-)

Brillig said...

HAHAHA Ba doozie!!!!

ian said...

*waving* Here I am!

I'll hold a door open for anyone. Seriously. I could be a hotel doorman. I do it for a couple reasons. I want my boys to grow up treating people (especially wimmin) right. I'm by nature a kind and polite guy. And then it's a great excuse to check out ladies' asses after they walk through the door.

Hey, I'm a slave to my hormones. So sue me.

Ian

cathouse teri said...

jessameow: Well there's nothing that says you don't matter like a door slammed in your face, eh?

ba doozie floozie: hilarious, as always! I would never have thought of a tampon!

kittybrill: I know! I have had a whole roomful of men stand up to give me a seat and then when I sit, not one will sit back down! And I don't even have to be pregnant!
And babe, you know I love your long commentage.

Ian: Of course you are ever the little darling!

Adventures In Waitressing said...

Ba Doozie.. Oh my God .. remind me not to be taking a drink when I read your commets k?

I am equal opportunity, but I am all for being polite. Just because you hold a door open for a woman doesn't mean you are infringing on her rights to equality. It means YOU are the gentleman. So I totally agree with what you said. Teri, what you wanted to say to that man was way nicer then what I would have said. Just wish you would have said it dear.

HUGS

MrWriteNow said...

Ba Doozie...I laughed out loud......friggin hiLARious. A tampon.....

cathouse teri said...

Yes, I pay that woman to visit my blog and say really gigantuous fuckin hilarious things.

And you know what? She doesn't even care if no one is here to see it. She has posted some funny shit when she was my only visitor!

Teri loves the ba doozie.

Sugar Kane said...

What an asshole. The tampon suggestion is fantastic!

Jenn in Holland said...

I wish you would have said it, because it's totally true.
I tell ya though, with the loss of kindness and gentleness on this rise in your world, come on over to MY world sometime and get a load of the rudeness in general of these people I live amongst. It just may make this guy look like a downright nicey!
Well said here Teri. Well said.

Trish said...

I hate door slammers-in-your-face people. Jeeze, I was talking to someone about this yesterday. I'll hold the door for the person behind me. I also think it sucks when you hold the door and the person breezes right through but doesn't thank you.

cathouse teri said...

I once heard that having good manners is putting up with people who have bad manners. As hard as that is, it's true.

This is why I didn't upbraid the motherfucker. Cause I'm so fuckin mannerly!

Gunfighter said...

We are still here, Teri... albeit in short supply.

Silver Dragon said...

DISCLAIMER: I believe that those men were wrong, and I do not condone their ungentlemanly behaviour at all.

Having said that, I have been in many situation where I've given up my seat, held open doors, and many other such things for women and senior citizens. The old-folks always show their gratitude, but some (and by 'some', I mean the minority) women's reaction to my gestures are deplorable.

Most whisper a thank you, some give a grateful nod/smile/wink, but there are others who give a look of disdain, or totally ignore my existence, or sometimes there are a few who exclaim "I can do it myself" in a rather rude manner.

I'm afraid that some of the silly tenets of feminism have poisoned the minds of some women who now have no proper behaviour, and as a result have left a bad taste in some men's mouths with regards to the way we treat women. Nonetheless, that has never stopped me (nor should it stop any good man) from being corteous to women and elders.

Maisha said...

that man was just an asshole.and doozie,you killed me with that one.

LMAOROTFPMP!

Worker Mommy said...

Rude people suck and it seems there are more and more of them these days.

I guess I better start carrying an extra supply of tampons w/me.

Terri@SteelMagnolia said...

OMG.. my husband is the best...

I've been with him for 7 years (tomorrow as a matter of fact)
and he ALWAYS ALWAYS opens the doors for me...
he insists on it... he gets irritated if I jump in the car w/o letting him open it...

He has so much respect for women...
and you should see how he cares for his mom and my mom.

He is such a gentleman! I'm blessed.