My Mommy's House

Sitting on the bed that was my grandmother's. It's an old comfy bed. Like sleeping on a cloud. Some people would think it too soft, but not I! Has REAL springs from the old days! Snuggly nice. I wake up to the smell of breakfast cooking. Mommy singing, "Tessie boo! Time to get up!" Oh it's so fun to be loved.

Mom and Dad are fun to watch. They putter around the house, doing their little chores. At one point, I was cutting Dad's hair, when sister get-along-home-Cindy arrives with some sort of gadget in her hand. She says, "I don't like your nozzle, Dad, so I thought you might want to try this one." He looks at me and I say, "Cin, let's not talk about our father's nozzle!" Ha ha. After the salon session is over, we go into the kitchen and Mom is standing there with a ruler. She bends down to measure something around my father's ... well ... nozzle! He says, "What are you measuring?" She says, "I want to see how long your shorts are because I was going to buy you some new ones." (For those of you from foreign lands, we call short pants "shorts" here in the U.S.) She stands up and smartly states, "Seven inches." I can't even imagine what it would be like for someone to come up to me with a ruler for any reason at all. Silly people.

So today, we will have everyone over for hot dogs and hamburgers and margaritas. Probably play a board game or two. Oh wait, Becky isn't here. She's the board game queen. Maybe tomorrow!

But here's the real story. When I arrived last night, we decided to go to Applebee's to feed Graci, who was starving. Graci is my niece. Erika (baby sis and Graci's mum) and Katie (another niece) joined us. I wasn't hungry, but I did order their special white peach sangria. And the waitress asked me for I.D. I'm not fuckin' kidding you. Well of course, at 46, it's a pleasure to show your I.D., right? Well do you think I had my I.D.? Noooo! I used it at the airport, so I had left it in my other bag! Hahahaha. I swear to God, she almost didn't sell me the fucking drink! Everyone at the table said, "Well I have I.D.! Sell it to me!" Now don't get me wrong. This waitress was as cute as can be. And I began to nervously tell her the story of why I didn't have my I.D. (as if I were being interrogated by the FBI) saying that I just flew in and I live in California, and I was from here, and this is my sister and these are my nieces and I'm just visiting, as I said, but I grew up here, as we all did here at the table... and as I rambled, she became more nervous about having pressed me for my proof of age. I just kept thinking, "Can you just go away so I can stop this endless chatter that I can't seem to keep from pouring out of my mouth?" She finally conceded to giving me the drink, but only if I promised to eat food off of the other people's plates (Utah's other-plate law).

Erika said, "Teri, you went a little overboard with the TMI there."

It was a good drink, though.

19 comments:

Brillig said...

Hahaha. Congrats on getting carded. That's awesome!

And you're here? In Utah? For how long?

zog said...

Don't keep me in suspense ... what the heck is the other-plate law?

And I was taught when I bartended that to obey the letter of the dram shop law, every drinker in an establishment must have picture i.d. on them, regardless of their age. Pfft. Sell that one to Lindsay Lohan.

Great imagery of your family - enjoy every minute.

cathouse teri said...

In Utah, you can only order drinks with food. :)

Brill: I'm here until Monday morning.

Jenn in Holland said...

Hahahahaha! All that information for a little alcohol!

By the by darling, you will still have your foreign readers confused with your explanation about "pants". At least those who speak the Queen's English. (Now putting on my best proper british accent and attitude here) Because you see, Pants are, well... er... umm... they are your underclothing. Here, you are referring to TROUSERS or rather the SHORT TROUSERS your Father was wearing in your little story. Right then. Toodle-oo!

cathouse teri said...

Jenn-in-stockings: Yes, I will have many confused, the more I talk! :)

Vixen said...

I get carded all the frickin' time. Even when I think I look 'older'. Yeesh.

BBC said...

"but only if I promised to eat food off of the other people's plates (Utah's other-plate law)."

Huh????

I've lived in Utah a number of times and I don't know what you are talking about here.

Unless they have changed since I was last there in the nineties we drank without ordering food all the time.

Maybe it was the kind of place you were in, they do have some strange ways there.

I am so going to grab a copy of that graphic in the other post. FUCKERS, LOL

Adventures In Waitressing said...

Sounds like you are having fun! Sounds like the waitress was either new.. or trying to complimenting and it backfired..I know you are supposed to have id on at all times when before you can serve alcohol.. what the waitess did was a big no no.. but I would have said the moment you stated you didn't have your id.. "Is ok hon, I just thought you looked younger.. but I believe you are at least 21." Or something simuliar.. since I am really tired.. that is lame.. and I would have sold you the drink as well. Even though I wasn't supposed to...

Keep enjoying your fun!! HUGS

Ba Doozie said...

ok...I've got nothing. I'm drawing a blank..I am tired

Turtle Guy said...

"It was nine feet wide, and six feet high, soft as a downy chick
It was made from the feathers of forty-eleven geese,
took a whole bolt of cloth for the tick.
It'd hold eight kids and four hound dogs and a piggy we stole from the shed.
We didn't get much sleep but we had a lot of fun on Grandma's feather bed."

'nuff said.

The Exception said...

Wow... carded!! Old couples are fun to watch at times. They have a way of thinking and behaving with one another that only comes from decades of living together and knowing one another.

Theresa said...

I forgot all about being carded, I haven't been in the U.S. for 14 years. Here they're pretty laid back about the whole thing. Doesn't getting carded make you feel so young?

Worker Mommy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Worker Mommy said...

I am such a dork, that was me above and I couldn't type worth a damn so I wound up deleting my comments and now I shall start over.

Everyone keeps talking about those damn White Peach Sangrias. Thus all signs are pointing to Worker Mommy having one immediately. Or make that several.

Have fun in UT and give Brillig a shout for me while you're there :)

Jami said...

I keep expecting anything that says "peach" to be fuzzy, and while lots of things are supposed to be fuzzy, I don't put either food or drink into that category.

I just realized that I don't expect anything that says "kiwi" to be fuzzy. Strange.

cathouse teri said...

The peach sangria has white zinfandel and peach schnapps in it. ( I think )

And fruit.

And it's lovely. And very sweet. and I want another one right now.

Queen Kitty: I have nothing but fun!

ba doozie: Well at least you stopped by to say nothing!

turtle dude: Yes, just like the song. :)

Exceptional Kitty: I do enjoy seeing those dynamics between a loving couple. An unloving couple, not so much!

Ms. Golightly: Actually, being carded was just a huge embarrassment that day. And I feel quite young all the time. I think I shall start feeling old when I'm about 75.

Mommy Kitty! You do need to have one, asap!

Purrty Jami: Well I do like fuzzy things, in general. ;)

Dan said...

At 7 inches your dad has nothing to be ashamed of.

They IDed you. No kidding? So there's still hope. They stopped IDing me ages ago. Hey wait ... maybe that's because I usually just ask for water.

Jami said...

You only have to worry when they start IDing you to make sure you're still alive!

Emma Sometimes said...

People never want to be carded when they are young and always want to be carded when they are closing on 30 and beyond.

I LOVE it when they card. And good for you..at 46. You must be doing something right. :o)