This Is Not About Diesel

There's a man in the apartment building who walks his dog. I see him often in the elevator. He has a weenie dog. Yeah, I know what they're REALLY called, but this man is such a weenie, that I have to call his dog a weenie, too. ANYWAY, every single god damned fucking time I've seen this man, his dog wants to lick my feet. And the man spends he entire time in the elevator telling the weenie not to do that. Doesn't say a word to me. Just keeps telling the dog to stop it. The dog does not even pretend to start stopping. And it occurred to me that this man constantly gives commands to his dog and the dog never listens. "Ginger... blah blah blah blah..."

18 comments:

Adventures In Waitressing said...

Well the ass could at least issue you an apology or acknowledge your pressence. I would probably look at him and say. "You know, I like dogs, but if you don't get yours off of my fucking toes, I will either kick you or him. Your choice." Hell the dog is small enough he should hold it in the elevator.

Good luck.

Jenn in Holland said...

Ack! Dog licking toes. So not my favorite. Nor are weenie dogs (sorry if I offend dachshund owners) I just don't really understand what use they might be with those short little legs. What were they bred for?

jessabean said...

I like weenie dogs because I think they are cute and weird. But toe-lickers? SO NOT COOL!

cathouse teri said...

I believe dachshunds were bred to be ratters. And I do like them. In fact, I like this dog. And I don't mind him licking my toes. (mind you, my toes, not my shoes... I am ever in toe-peeky shoes that show my purrty toes!)

It's the man I don't like. :)

Ambassador said...

Next time this happens, this is my recommendation - to lean in close to the weenie man and whisper, "Do you think your dog really knows where my toes have been?" and then laugh that delicious evil laugh of yours as you exit the elevator.

See it that doesn't have a rather interesting effect...Heeheehee...

Your Ambassador!

Gunfighter said...

Tell him that the next time that little so-and-so licks your feet, you are going to arrange a meeting between the dog and shoot 'em up friday!

HAHAHAHAHA

Or better yet, the dog owner and shoot 'em up friday!

anno said...

Well, the only weenie dog I ever knew used to hide under the sofa and attack the feet of unsuspecting victims who were unfortunate to make themselves comfortable there. Ruined a pair of my favorite shoes. Having one lick my toes would make me very nervous.

BBC said...

I have a weenie dog.

Um, never mind.

Yeah, fuck, he could at least say "Hi" to you.

I would, I would say something like " sorry about the dog, he just likes to lick pretty women, I wouldn't mind taking a lick myself".

And then you would tell me to fuck off. LOL

Fourier Analyst said...

Next time, and unfortunately there will likely be a next time, pretend to be reading or looking up at the ceiling or something and when the dog goes for your toes, give a good, "knee-jerk" kick!. Then you can apologize and say you didn't see that he was going to do that (again) and you can't help it as your feet are sensitive. If you really want to go overboard, you could mention that you should have been more aware as the dog had done it a number of times, but this time you just weren't prepared for it...blablablah! If you are lucky the dog will have learned a valuable lesson that the owner has not yet taught him. You'll be doing him a favor!

Ba Doozie said...

I own a weenie dog, and I would never in a million years let him lick your feet. He is controlled at all times by my fierceness! I do not like it when People let their pets encroach on a nothers personal space

Rebecca said...

perhaps the 'weenie' man is just intimidated by your stunningness and becomes all tongue-tied and unable to say anything sensible???

Silver Dragon said...

Plan for the fucker. Time him well, and baste your toes in tabasco sauce, then go outside wearing sandals. That should teach that weenie a lesson (good and proper).

Gunfighter said...

Or you could just grab his leash and lift him off the ground and yell "NO" in his face as his little legs kick in the air...

Jami said...

What Silver Dragon and Gunfighter just said: Tabasco sauce the toes, let him get in one lick, grab him up and yell at him. THEN drop kick him, followed by an abject "I'm sorry. PMS. Bad day so far." and a big smile for the big weenie. If nothing else, he probably will go out of his way to avoid getting on the elevator with you after that.

Jami said...

Oh, and dachshunds were bred to be hunters, primarily for badgers and other burrow-dwellers like foxes and rabbits. They are small and round in order to fit into the burrows. They have long snouts in order to be able to bite in enclosed spaces without exposing their eyes or throat. They were also used to hunt a variety of other animals including wild boar and even wolverines. Unfortunately, like most purebred dogs today, they're mostly just for show and have a number of problems caused by inbreeding.

Jenn in Holland said...

jami-
Thanks for the breeding rundown. I feel like I learned something new today. I still don't want a dog, weenie or otherwise, licking my toes. I have strong feelings about my toes.

Sornie said...

Reminds me of my neighbor and his Clydesdale-size canines. I am not a fan of big dogs.

Diesel said...

You know what this post needs? More Diesel.