The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

First the Good ~

I just ate an amazing cheeseburger! I was at Albertson's, and decided I needed a burger. I'm staying in a hotel, so I couldn't just buy raw meat and cook it. So I stopped a young woman and asked her where I could get the best hamburger in town. She said, "Oh I dont' know. I don't eat hamburgers." I said, "oky doky..." and moved on. Not much later, I was in line to check out and she came up to me and said, "My boyfriend tells me that the best hamburgers are at Nation's." I thought that was so sweet that she looked into it and sought me out to tell me! :) At any rate, he was right. Superb burger. It was a little joint with a very small menu, and homemade pies. Lots of people stopping by to pick up pies. It was like an old diner. The layout was so genuinely nostalgic, that everyone there was nice. And by everyone, I mean even the customers! Every one of us was talking like we were afraid of putting the workers out by having them serve us! Now remember, I'm in California! It was such a breath of fresh air. I brought my order home, along with a piece of peaches and cream pie which I have yet to eat, and proceeded to eat that sloppy, perfect burger!

Now for the Bad ~
A List, if you will. (And even if you won't.)

Things that piss me off

Number One Thing:
Receiving forwards in my email box. I know, I know, they are so funny or touching or interesting or beautiful or whatever! And you just want to SHARE that with me. Because you just love me so much! But … well, let’s pretend that I have a wealth of information at my fingertips. I can look up any interesting/beautiful/funny/touching thing I want at any given time! So if you simply can’t stop yourself from sending them to me, then please try to follow two simple rules:
1. Make it a very rare thing.
2. Make sure it’s not a waste of my fucking time! (And by "fucking time" I mean, literally, FUCKING time!)

Number Two Thing:
Guys who know what pisses you off and then do those very things just to get under your skin. Strangely, they think of this as a good wooing tactic. I have no idea where they learned that. Maybe from their fathers? Summer camp? Idiot classes? I used to date a man who I think liked me quite a bit. He was older than me. I don’t usually date older men or even men my own age, because they can’t keep up with me! At like nine or ten p.m. they want to go to bed (and I mean to sleep). I just can’t hang with that sort of inactivity. Hehehe …

ANYWAY, he happened to be online once while I was online and he playfully (or so he thought) started hammering me with email forwards. I’m a good sport. I let him have his fun for the first one or two, but after that (and I mean there were about twenty-five after that) I sent him a message and said, “So, when I tell you something bothers me, you think it’s cool to do that thing?” He replied, “Oh I’m just having some fun.” I said, “And if I tell you something I love, will you begin a plan of withholding that from me? Will that be fun, too?” What a dork. As you can tell by my phrasing of “I USED to date a man…” he’s gone.

Number Three Thing:
When people give you a smartass answer when you ask a perfectly reasonable question. Like, when you work in an office and you ask someone if they’ve seen so and so. I mean really, it is highly likely that they’ve seen them, if it’s a small office. And they say, “I don’t know, it’s not my turn to watch him.” I need someone to give me a good reply to that. Something like, “Oh, I’m sorry for asking… fucker!”

Number Four Thing:
When people ask me to go look at their online photo album and it has 683 pictures in it! I mean, I don’t even like to look at 683 of pictures of my own damn life! These people have begun to be interested in photography and they even think a certain angle of the corner of the desk is worth sharing! My friend’s response to that is, “Don’t you have any pictures of just the ground?”

I have a niece who is into photography. I love her pictures. They are creative and pleasing to view. But she doesn’t hand me triple digits of them!

Is it beginning to sound like maybe I should just settle down with a man (a younger man, who’s not been to that idiot class) in an isolated cabin somewhere?

Yeah, I think so.

And now for the ugly ~
The ugly, ugly truth that I both love and hate humankind. Although the pie might be ugly too, since it was just on a little plate and was tossed about in a bag between there and here. But no doubt it will still be tasty! :)


ZoeyBella said...

Amen! You're preachin' to the choir, sister!

(Please note the use of the word 'preachin' rather than preaching, which would have not nearly had the same effect)

Mmmmmm hamburger :)

super des said...

Those are all things I agree with.

I hate when the only time you hear from someone is through forwards. They can take the time to click "forward" but not to say hi or give a little personal note?

Christine said...

If you are willing to look at even three pictures, you are a far better person than I. Listen, bitch, I don't want to see your fucking family, I don't care about your slut daughter's prom dress or your son's new little bastard. Oh and btw, your niece looks like a beached whale in that wedding dress. Don't you have any relatives that aren't trailer trash??Now fuck off.
Whew. I guess you touched a nerve.

cathouse teri said...

You gals kill me. :)

Yes, preachin' is a much more suitable word.

And, YES, I love it when someone sends me that forward crap and I challenge them and ask, "why the fuck are you sending me this shit?" and they say, "well I had to think of people to send it to and I thought of you." I say, "Well think of someone else next time."

*Teri sends pictures of her grandchildren to Christine*

Anonymous said...

highly interesting post and sure to piss off one or two of your 6 readers....LOL. Do you like my joke? That's good. Me too.

I'm not pissed by the way, I just roll with it and laugh.

I love to find little hole in the wall burger joints, the hometown oldies people know how to make a good old greasy burger! Ain't nothing like some grease and some sugar to ready you for sleep on that hotel bed.

I'm trying to think of a good response for "it's not my turn to watch them". hows about these:

1. Actually it is your turn, didn't you read the memo moron?

2. Well, it's your turn to find him nimrod

3. If you ever sass me again I'll rip your ears off and hang them from my belt


Brillig said...


And yeah, i'm with you on the forwards. When my dad (who is really so cute and RARELY obnoxious) first got into the beautiful world of email (you know, like a year ago), he would pass on absolutely everything anyone ever sent him. To me. And expect a response. Thanks Dad. Super.

Ambassador said...

Oh, Cat-ty one!

Thanks for visiting my blog - and thank you for the delightfully effective use of the word "fuck"! I guess I've been hanging around so many of the parent-blogs that are expletive-sensitive, that yours is fresh air.

Other response option: "Look, you stupid git. (One of my favorite put-downs borrowed from the Brits) It may not be your turn, but do your fucking job or just shut the FUCK up!!"

Forwards: It hurts my brain when friends whom I love and adore and trust to have a smidgen of sense forward those "must forward to 10 other people in 1 hour or else..." emails. Oh, folks...grow up and pull your heads out of your fucking asses!

BTW, lots of great diner type places here in New Orleans to check out, if you're ever down this way!

Gunfighter said...

I'm with Ken on the use of the word fuck.

I tend not to use it on my blog, or in most communications with people I don't know, but it is a useful word... and in my working environment (I work with cops, remember?) I tend to use it a lot.

For instance:

Me: Shooters, with a full magazine, load and holster your weapons.

Idiot: (stands there and does nothing)

Me (shouting): Hey! Are you gonna load your fucking pistol or stand there and play with your dick!

Emma Sometimes said...

Hey, ba doozer asked me to come by and leave a link to my flickr page.

~ducking and running~