I have great kids. They are the light of my world. I wrote that on a card for each of them at Christmas and gave them a candle to go with it. I love light. And I wish I could have given them more of it when they were young.
I'm afraid I chose a man of darkness as a spouse, and parent of my children. That happens a lot. A person of light chooses a person of darkness because they think they can bring them out of it. It's stupid. It's a concept that is validated by movies like, "Sound of Music." You know the drill. Asshole man meets good woman and asshole man turns into perfect and kindly man.
So, we gave birth to three little lights. Still, not enough light to bring him out. I could never figure out why. But now I know. He loves his darkness. You can't take someone out of something they love.
The children are fine. They are beautiful human beings. I've written a lot about them here. And it's their light that saved me. But I wish I hadn't made them live so long in the darkness. I wish that when they looked back they saw more happiness and less misery. I wish I could have been the free mother I am now, back then.
Ah well. You know the old saying. If wishes were horses...
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